I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
