Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
