I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize