So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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