good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize