The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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