Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
