I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
