Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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