The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize