Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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