side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
