just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
