I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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