New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
