then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
