I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
