Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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