I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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