dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
