Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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