He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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