one two three fourrrrnication!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i love accidental penises.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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