he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My bed smells like the plague
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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