Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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