Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
