I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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