You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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