just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
do herpes really smell.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
