my phone needs a breathalizer
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Randomize
