I'm really into asian looking animals
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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