I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
