Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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