i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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