I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
