It's Friday. Sex?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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