Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
