I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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