He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
