dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
