WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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