I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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