just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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