I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
