I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
