using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
