you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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