He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
