Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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