bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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