i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
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Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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