You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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