im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
