p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
