if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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