I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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