I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
