she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
