I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
