FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
