hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
