Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
