You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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