So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
