I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
