did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
