About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
