Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
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He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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