careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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