your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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