They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
