I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize