Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
