just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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