Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
