one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
